Apple, the cute daughter of Gweneth Paltrow? An apple a day keeps the doctor away? The apple of my eye? Mom’s apple pie?
NO.
I don’t have a problem with any of those.
I am fighting the body type that stores fat anywhere between my nonexistent hips to my previously visible collarbones. The one that denotes a higher chance of getting heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. The one that means low-waisted pants fit me in a size extra small but the ones made for the regular woman with a waist only fit me in a large. The one that means I always look pregnant if I don’t suck in my gut. I am not having anymore babies so it is certainly time to stop looking like I am.
Habits are hard to break. And I have some bad habits. Since Lent conveniently coincided with this crisis of body character, I decided to pull one of my bad habits for 40 days. Would a healthy period of time without chocolate make a difference in my flab? Is that long enough for me to stop wanting to eat justalittlebitof chocolate all the time? Could I even last FORTY days?
It is now 14 days since I had any part of that block of chocolate in the pantry. I used to pick off bits from it all day long. Starving after the school run, I would have some chocolate. Again while I was waiting to fix my lunch, I would have a bit more. And again while making the kids their dinners, I would grab a bit of chocolate to tide me over. Even at night if I wanted just a little something sweet, there was always that chocolate. It had never been a habit before having the twins, but as my life got busier, that became the easy answer. Looking at it written out, I am ashamed of myself, but as I would eat it spread out over the day, it never bothered me. I know that I still have so much more to do better, but making good habits is a slow process. Yes, I indulge in soda and wine, but since the start of the year, I have given up all meat and now the bad chocolate. I run. I am even building my pushup and situp numbers. If I can do one each a day for this week, I can do twenty a day in a month or two. Running taught me that.
I wish that I could say that this has nothing to do about looks, but I would be lying. Aging scares me a bit lot. I was always that cute skinny girl and now I need to find the healthy strong woman I know I can be. This is a side of me that the blog does not see. Well, not until today. That photo above is today…there are no shots like that of me when I started running back in August. Heck no! I used to avoid having my picture taken as I think a lot of moms with cameras do. Now that I am working on littleSIDEKLICK, I say yes to my children when they take my photo. It is still an uncomfortable feeling and that is because I did not like what I saw on the screen. I can change some of that. I can change the way I feel about myself and I can change what I do for my health. In the end, those changes will be what I see when I look at a photograph of myself.
Someday I may give up the soda. I know how horrible it is and I think once I get through this lent period, I will give that a hard stare. I doubt I will give up my wine. That doesn’t sound like anything I want to do right now and I want to enjoy life as well as make changes. I am certain anyone reading this has an opinion. All I can say to those thoughts are…I am trying to take bites out of the apple. This isn’t a 12wbt and I have not joined a gym. I am on my own zen-like program that is slow and steady so I don’t give up the end goal in frustration. I am trying to be present for one thing at a time for my reasons. I am opening up about it all though so that I can be held accountable as it is super easy to break silent promises.
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Best wishes to you in this journey! Thanks for being brave enough to post about it.
I have never loved my tummy, particularly after having a baby. I stumbled upon this book “The Smarter Science of Slim” + the podcasts/website about a year ago, and I feel better about my tummy now than I ever have in my life. His workouts are short (but incredibly painful) and the shifts in eating have been easy (and it’s not an all or nothing plan). Made the 10 lbs I’ve lost feel effortless compared to other efforts of working out all the time and starving myself. I haven’t been what I’d call “skinny” since high school, and now I’m nearly back to that size/weight! Posting here just in case this helps someone else
I have no connection with the author, just found it works for me. Totally changed the way I’ve thought about food and exercise.
Go get em
Hey, you still look great to me-but I understand-I have joined a gym for the first time in 10 years…I am battling the pear.
I don’t want to hate getting older but I hate getting older. Because of that middle bit of me. Because it used to just obey me, 20 sit-ups and it was gone.
I miss my skinny skinny self. I am a super active person, I don’t really eat much. Boo.
Good luck, Rachel! I too hate getting older (how in the heck can I be closer to 50 than 30?????) and I know I need to stay active and healthy for my daughter. She’s only 9 and I’d like her to think of me as strong and fit, not old and frail. Well done, you!
Great legs, lady.
I recently started to phase out refined sugar, and chocolate is the hardest to part with. But this recipe saved me:
http://livinghealthywithchocolate.com/desserts/raspberry-chocolate-paleo-low-carb-gluten-free-521/
It’s perfect post-run. I put strawberries in mine, and just freeze it in a tupperware container instead of a chocolate mold, because who has chocolate molds?
M
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