Apple, the cute daughter of Gweneth Paltrow? An apple a day keeps the doctor away? The apple of my eye? Mom’s apple pie?
I don’t have a problem with any of those.
I am fighting the body type that stores fat anywhere between my nonexistent hips to my previously visible collarbones. The one that denotes a higher chance of getting heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. The one that means low-waisted pants fit me in a size extra small but the ones made for the regular woman with a waist only fit me in a large. The one that means I always look pregnant if I don’t suck in my gut. I am not having anymore babies so it is certainly time to stop looking like I am.
Habits are hard to break. And I have some bad habits. Since Lent conveniently coincided with this crisis of body character, I decided to pull one of my bad habits for 40 days. Would a healthy period of time without chocolate make a difference in my flab? Is that long enough for me to stop wanting to eat justalittlebitof chocolate all the time? Could I even last FORTY days?
It is now 14 days since I had any part of that block of chocolate in the pantry. I used to pick off bits from it all day long. Starving after the school run, I would have some chocolate. Again while I was waiting to fix my lunch, I would have a bit more. And again while making the kids their dinners, I would grab a bit of chocolate to tide me over. Even at night if I wanted just a little something sweet, there was always that chocolate. It had never been a habit before having the twins, but as my life got busier, that became the easy answer. Looking at it written out, I am ashamed of myself, but as I would eat it spread out over the day, it never bothered me. I know that I still have so much more to do better, but making good habits is a slow process. Yes, I indulge in soda and wine, but since the start of the year, I have given up all meat and now the bad chocolate. I run. I am even building my pushup and situp numbers. If I can do one each a day for this week, I can do twenty a day in a month or two. Running taught me that.
I wish that I could say that this has nothing to do about looks, but I would be lying. Aging scares me a
bit lot. I was always that cute skinny girl and now I need to find the healthy strong woman I know I can be. This is a side of me that the blog does not see. Well, not until today. That photo above is today…there are no shots like that of me when I started running back in August. Heck no! I used to avoid having my picture taken as I think a lot of moms with cameras do. Now that I am working on littleSIDEKLICK, I say yes to my children when they take my photo. It is still an uncomfortable feeling and that is because I did not like what I saw on the screen. I can change some of that. I can change the way I feel about myself and I can change what I do for my health. In the end, those changes will be what I see when I look at a photograph of myself.
Someday I may give up the soda. I know how horrible it is and I think once I get through this lent period, I will give that a hard stare. I doubt I will give up my wine. That doesn’t sound like anything I want to do right now and I want to enjoy life as well as make changes. I am certain anyone reading this has an opinion. All I can say to those thoughts are…I am trying to take bites out of the apple. This isn’t a 12wbt and I have not joined a gym. I am on my own zen-like program that is slow and steady so I don’t give up the end goal in frustration. I am trying to be present for one thing at a time for my reasons. I am opening up about it all though so that I can be held accountable as it is super easy to break silent promises.