Somethings never change even when they always are doing just that…changing.

by sesame on November 14, 2013

 

I hate change. Always have and apparently still do, despite my mature years. (I can hear you laughing). I think it is just part of my nature as well as having been nurtured. Growing up I wanted things to remain as they were. Now I see change as mile markers in a ride that is going way too fast. I dread the holidays as they have me looking back on years past instead of excited for the future.

I like Mondays because the rest of the week is the same. A routine I can depend on. People are out doing things and I feel less lonely. Sundays I dread because it the day the week ends. I don’t like endings. I like new things and beginnings, but I hate to let go of the old. It is why I photograph. That dilemma is the essential element that makes me a photographer. I can keep the old with me while I move on.

This year has really just disappeared. I know that people say that every November, but I really feel it. There are bubbles of anxiety popping between my shoulder blades and heart. In just a few short weeks, the school year will be over and I will no longer have an eight year old third grader with twins in kinder. We will be a family with all primary school children and our oldest will be nine.

friends

That whole era of having little children at home will be done. Just like that. While I am glad I will have time to get back to work without interruptions, I can’t help but think, wasn’t I just planning my wedding?  

So many endings, so many beginnings that I can actually look back on quite a bit of life at this point. Many stages that I looked forward to are now things I reminisce about. That? That is crazy.

The funniest bit is that at times like this, I want to run away myself…be the catalyst of the change instead of having to suffer through change happening to me. 

I guess what keeps me going is the thought that if nothing is permanent in this life, that applies to our sadness as well. As my mother and my sister and now I say… This too shall pass. Damn, change at work again.

Change…do you love it? Embrace it? Or do you shiver in its midst? 

*These images were taken months ago and never blogged. There is a whole day of pictures I never shared. That often happens, pictures taken and never seen again. Looking at these, I see that old metal wall and think how it has stood for so long and wondered about all the families who have walked past it, the little kids who have played in front of it and the ones who have yet to visit, but will. 

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    { 7 comments… read them below or add one }

    Anne laney November 14, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    I never do well with change… Even if its a good change.. Like the day we bought our first house.. We lived in a 500sqft apt and I was depressed that I wouldn’t be living there anymore… Even though the house was way nicer and larger, (1500 ft more). It didn’t matter. I cried and cried. My husband thought I was nuts lol

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    amelia November 14, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    Change is weird for me… I also wish things will stay the same. I like sameness. I also like Mondays because the kids I work with feel like they haven’t seen me in ages and they give me the best hugs on Mondays. But other than the hugs, I’m not a huge fan of Mondays.

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    MrsFun November 15, 2013 at 3:15 am

    I love change, thank goodness since we’ve moved 3 times, 3 states in 15 months. I however wish my kids would slow down.

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    SAN November 15, 2013 at 7:33 am

    I feel related to you. I do not like change. But then with this change happen….I love it! I just love it! I think i hate more the transition of a change that the change itself. I guess it’s because it’s something unknown to us. And we fear things that we don’t really know. We want to walk in the safe place. Sometimes it has something related with the comfort zone. well those are my tought….heheheh ;)

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    Angela November 15, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    I don’t mind some changes. i know that things change. I like beginnings, I am sad when things end. I started a new job. That has been the scariest change I have had in a long while… the scarier part is that I know that the job will end and i knew it was temporary when I took it and I have no idea what is next. It is scary and exhilarating and intimidating, but I know that something else will pop up. I worked at my previous job for 13 years so this was a major change. I’m both nervous and excited about what the future holds.

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    kasandra November 15, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    i always thought i was pretty good at change … it’s usually moving forward and that can’t be terribly bad; however, we’re renovating and i hate every tiny step of changing my surroundings. i’ve realized i’m actually NOT very good at change. but what i am good at is being comfortable. so when something gets changed and i’ve stressed about it sufficiently, i settle in and swim in the new normal :)

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    katepickle November 18, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I feel those bubbles too, and I am worrying about something that will not happen for another two years! But just sending my baby off for two hours of kinder a week has that big scary transition looming in my dreams! What will I do? Who will I be when my children no longer need me to be at home with them??
    I am sure we will both do fine… and sometimes it is the waiting before the change that is the hardest!

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