How they see me.

by sesame on December 4, 2013

“A lot of mothers will do anything for their children, except let them be themselves.”
― Banksy, Wall and Piece

I read that quote the other day and it really made me stop and think about things. The kids are growing up and becoming themselves. It is hard to know when to quit pushing as a mother. I find it difficult to distinguish between what is our personal agenda as parents and our duty to encourage our kids’ natural abilities by giving them opportunities they might not know they want. I remember being the little girl that was dragged to piano lessons, but I know why. I understand what my mother was doing and it was not what I thought at the time.

Mother-through-the-eyes-of-their-child

This past weekend the kids wanted to take my photo. I let them even though I had not put any lipstick on. Kieran took this shot with my camera and when he saw the back of the camera he asked me if I was going to put it online. He was proud of the photo and proud that I am his mom. I tried to see me the way he did. It was hard.

Then I thought about my own mother. She is so beautiful. I don’t see her wrinkles. I never questioned what my mother chose to wear or her favourite authors. I never thought she should play soccer instead of tennis. I accept my mother the way she is. I love her for her whole self.

 And my kids love me that way too. They don’t see the grey hairs (they are giving me) and my wrinkles. They don’t focus on my love handles and have never suggested I go and change my outfit. They cheer me on from the sidelines even though I am not the fastest runner…they just know I love to run. 

 I have a lot to learn as a parent from how my kids love me. So while I will try to respect what they choose to wear, I will continue to require that my kids try different things. They are still going to have to eat their vegetables. I am just going to keep my ears wide open so I can hear what they are really saying to me about themselves when they don’t.

*PS The dog is pretty good at that unconditional love thing too.

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    { 10 comments… read them below or add one }

    Erika December 4, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Well that hit home. How could it not?

    Reply

    Mel Riddell December 4, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    I really, really love this. xo

    Reply

    Angie Baxter December 4, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Love your thoughts!! And it’s a great photo too!! xo

    Reply

    Bel December 4, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Loved this post and more so loved the photo and the story behind it! I just went through all of this years photos to make a photobook, and sadly I don’t feature in many at all and it’s sad…the way I see me is different to my kids who could care less about how I look. So next year, I will feature in many!! Thanks for this post x

    Reply

    Guðrún Vald. December 4, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    Great post! I am too going to try and see me the way my kids see me, I’d probably be a lot happier about myself if I did.

    Reply

    Carrie Sunday December 5, 2013 at 6:02 am

    This was beautiful. I am pregnant with my first child, and I have thought extensively about what my child will think of me. I’m in a wheelchair so the fact that I won’t be the “typical” mom had me scared for a long time. What if he/she is ashamed of me? Doesn’t want to be seen with me? Then I thought about the way my small nieces and nephews view me. They love going places with me, doing fun things, and though they all recognize that I am not the normal walking one, they embrace that as wholeheartedly and innocently as only a child can. :)

    Reply

    Valentina Mantovani December 7, 2013 at 12:05 am

    great post!!

    i love your smile :)

    Reply

    Jen December 11, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    I loved this post Rachel. What a true and lovely thought. Kids love with such enthusiasm and without judgement and all of us parents would do well to remind ourselves that we can learn a lot from how kids “see” us. Terrific post.

    Reply

    lu December 12, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    great post, rachel!

    Reply

    amy bader {life in eden} December 16, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I love this and think these same thoughts often. With kids the same ages as yours, I face those same challenges — how much to just accept the oldest and not push, how much to still try and mold the youngers, there are always so many questions!

    Reply

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