The perpetual small sorrow of expat life

I wasn’t born to stay here in Virginia. Every time I return for a visit I feel that even more deeply in my soul. As a kid I wanted to go, but it took me until my teens to understand that I actually could one day. Los Angeles was where I landed for a long time, but it is Melbourne that feels like where I truly belong. Breathing in the air as I step off the plane in Australia fills up the space loneliness has occupied.

Yet each time I come back to the states my heart cracks open along the same jagged scar of family. How can I belong to a tribe I love who reside in a place that never fit me?

I realise that in a way, I have lived with this small sorrow forever and I always will. Being an expat for me means choosing the less painful of two heartbreaks. The pain is my penance for breaking the hearts of the people who made me.

All images on my trip were taken with the new OM-D E-M10 MarkIII (a gift from Olympus Australia). This is the perfect camera for documenting daily life. Small, quiet, lightweight and powerful with excellent image quality. My new favourite camera…always in my bag so I never have to stop the journey of photographing my world.

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  • Pamela - I was raised in NZ (by Canadian parents) and spent 6 years living in seattle with my husband (who is mexican) and 2 kids (kiwi and American). We are now living in Mexico (Which does not yet feel like home to me) and this feeling you speak of when you land in Melbourne…it is a feeling i feel in so many places: Vancouver, Seattle, WellingtoN.. And one day i hope we can truly call a place ‘home’ that gives me that feeling.  And it makes me wonder where my children will ‘feel’ is home. IT is a sort of sadness.. not having an obvious place, where generations have lived and called home. But it’s also a sort of freedom. November 25, 2017 – 1:25 pmReplyCancel

    • sesame - I love your idea that it is also a freedom. What a lovely thought. Thank you for your perspective!November 25, 2017 – 8:29 pmReplyCancel